"Beautiful!"

Well our mother-daughter afternoon was quite a success. I always appreciate my children more when we are one on one. Since writing my last post I have paid very special attention to my interactions with Avery. And I will tell you that the little changes that I have made in response to her have made a BIG difference in her response to me. She is much more thoughtful and responsive which is so appreciated. And she is much more affectionate. Instead of going head to head all the time we are having nice conversations. She is treating her little brother with much more kindness too.

We went to the salon to get my eye brows waxed... my treat for the day. So much FUN! And then we went to the movie rental place to get Babette's Feast. We need to watch it for Sunday school. Unfortunately, they did not have it and Edward must go out and track it down elsewhere. If he ever subdues the Mongols that is. Avery and I rented a Backyardagans video and then moved onto the nail salon. Picking out the color polish was a hoot. She first chose gold glitter polish. I guess she is taking after her Aunt Elysa! (haha) but I said no-no to that. I kept pointing her toward the pinks... I know I am so conservative (but only with nail polish colors). She then chose a green color... UGH! But finally settled on a bright pink. Her toenails look so grown up now. =( She loved every minute of it. She kept saying "Beautiful!" "They are beautiful."

We continued on to my favorite clothing store and too our surprise my best friend walked in the door. Avery discovered that she and Miss Vikki have the same color polish on. Avery suggested that next time the two of them should get the gold glittery kind together. haha.

Avery and I decided that we would continue these outings on a regular basis. I think its a great idea. I get to enjoy her company AND I get some time out of the house without carting all three of them.

Of course there is a price to pay always. I left the house tidy and came home to a mess. Connor had hand drawn tatoos on both his arms. The Play Station and TV are on but low and behold no one is near. Toy Story plays in the bedroom and you got it... Edward is still fighting the Mongols. I wish he would subdue them already.

How do you solve a problem like Avery

Avery is my red headed child. I say that because there is a personality there that comes with the red hair. She is four years old and is very determined and dramatic. She and I clash a lot. She can push me to my limit. My mom says it is because she is the middle child and she is getting the attention she craves by challenging me at every turn. She has Daddy wrapped around her little finger but mommy is harder to charm. haha

Today she was laying on her tummy on my bed and I was putting in The Sound of Music in the DVD player for her. This is what she said.

A - Mommy I like it when your mad. It makes me happy.

M - What?

A - I don't like it when you smile.

M - You don't like when mommy is happy? You'd rather I be mad all the time.

A - No, I like it when you are happy.

M - So then why did you say you like it when I am mad?

A - I don't know. It was a mistake. Sometimes I don't know what I am talking about.

And what did I do. Well obviously she is more psychologically savvy that me. I wandered out of the room scratching my head and wondering if she is another Freud in the making and how I will be blamed for it.

Now just reading this without being in the room with her in real time, I know she is trying to tell me something. She is not being clever even if it appears so. She is being four which at the best of times is confusing and random. Have you ever had a four year old try and tell you what happened in a piece of their day. They string everything together and refer to people in pronouns. And when you try to get them to tell you exactly who they are speaking about they act like you are just plain dumb.

If this is reverse psychology Avery is using on me intentionally then we have a genius on our hands. What I really think she wants me to know is that she sees me as being mad a lot and wants me to smile and be happy more. And that is true where she is concerned. As I said, we clash a lot. If there is anywhere in my life where I need patience the most it is with Avery. The problem is mine. She is four. This is what four years olds do. They push and they test and they push and they test. That is her job in the world right now. Mine is to guide her through this stage of her life in a way that helps her to become a good person. But instead I am short and crabby with her. In the face of her obstinacy and defiance I lose my temper. And around and around we go.

So other than building up my patience muscle which I am working on, I am going to start at the source of all this. Her need for my undivided attention. She is caught between two brothers. A baby who needs me for many things through out the day and an older brother who places demands on me in relationship to starting big kid school as well as his need for reassurance in the face of many fears and apprehensions. Avery is a spitfire. As she says "She is not afraid of anything." She has her shy moments but for the most part she is a tiger. This is taken for granted and maybe the reason why she feels she needs to act out to get attention.

Now that I remember, I think it began when Connor was born and I went to the hospital for a few days. Avery was just two years old. When I came back with the baby Avery would not let me leave her site. If I walked down the hallway out of view she would start crying hysterically. For weeks she would sob, "Don't leave me" when I got up to go somewhere in the house. After some passage of time she did realize I wasn't going anywhere but something had changed. She was no longer the baby. I had someone else who needed my attention. I think this was very hard on her though all of the implications that lead us to this point in time were still not clear.

Middle child syndrome... I lived it and I thought I was sensitive to it for Avery's sake but I have been blinded by impatience and selfishness. So my thought is that if I can spend more one on one time with her she will feel less need to try and gain my attention in other ways. I hope that the time we do spend together will be the making of happy memories where mommy is smiling and laughing.

Pulling Out the Gray

I found my first gray hair today. I thought I caught sight of it yesterday but gave it little thought. But today saw it clear as day sitting on my right temple as if it had not a care in the world. I was sitting at a red light and looking in the visor mirror. I was on my way to a first time haircut with a new stylist.

I am very particular about my hair maybe cause I have always thought of it as my one consistent good point. But since having babies I have lost a lot of texture in my hair and it has thinned considerably. The hair at the crown is actually so thin you can see my scalp. Imagine my horror when I realized I was losing hair to that extent. It was after Avery was born. I know that you hold onto your hair when you are pregnant and that after childbirth the regular cycles kick back in and you lose all that extra hair. But mine just kept falling out. For a time I had anxiety dreams that I was losing hair by the clump or I had gone bald. I was very self conscious and worried about what Edward would think but he placed very little weight on it. I remember mentioning it to my sister and mom on a visit home. I pulled my bangs to the side to show them and I heard two very troubling gasps. They confirmed my fears that this hair loss was indeed a threat to my self image.

So I continued to obsess. I read articles on hair loss and looked for ways to make it grow back I bought products... I did massage. But nothing worked. I mentioned it to the dermatologist. Basically he said I had a number of factors piling up on me... hypothyroidism, anxiety and recent childbirth being the more dominant. But in the end I had to learn to live with it and get a good haircut. It doesn't help living here in the South where its so bloody muggy that my hair is plastered to my head or dripping with sweat.

So despite the thinning and the change in texture I still have my dark brown hair. My mother hardly has an gray at 65 so I thought I had genetics going for me. At a family gathering my sister said she saw a couple gray hairs on the back of my head but i refused to believe her. She wanted to pull them out but I was so annoyed that she let it be. That was 4 years ago I think. I have often wondered about those gray hairs and whether they are really there and mocking me from the back of my head. Maybe the one at my temple creeped around from the back in an attempt to humble me. And if there is one then there could be more. There will be more. But they will have to take this ones place rather than join him cause I plucked that sucker... or should I say I grabbed it with my fingers and I pulled it OUT.

And for today, I am beautifully coiffed with not a gray to be found. Tomorrow is another matter.

Thoughts on Faith

The arrival of the new Sunday school year at church has Edward and I again facilitating an adult class. The class was formulated after the Sunday School class we attended at Glendale Baptist Church in Nashville. The church membership was made up of many academics from colleges and university around Nashville, as well as numerous retired pastors and ordained individuals. The class at Glendale was called the Special Studies class. We read all types of authors in there including Kathleen Norris, Jung, Anne Lamont, Richard Foster and Will Campbell. Our membership was at about 25 people when Edward and I were facilitating.

Since moving to the Gulf Coast its been hard to attend Sunday school. There was always a problem with nursery care or the willingness of each child to stay in the nursery without acting like we were throwing them to the wolves. I admit it was hard to leave Cullen even with people we did not know, even nursery workers in church. Edward or I were always switching off checking on him during service... but later it was not our problem as it was the individual child or sometimes a full revolt of all three. Well really not... Avery loves the nursery and wants everyone to join her. Her excitement has not rubbed off on the others. Even now Cullen thinks he should be with us. While Connor never settles when we leave.

Our Sunday school class shares a wall with the nursery and I can hear Connor crying off and on the whole hour. I kiddingly tell Edward is can not speak after I hear Connor crying "Daddy, daddy." I am sure he hears that deep voice through the wall but the nursery school workers say they can not hear Edward. As parents we have gotten tougher or toughened up when it comes to nursery. Five years of no Sunday school and never getting to sit through a whole service is enough. For a long time we would do service in the cry room which is NOT worshipful. I have told Edward I would rather stay at home then be tortured in the cry room while all the while not feeling like I am getting anything out of the service. But we persevered and now we have arrived to a place where we call ALL fully participate in what the church has to offer. The kids are attending Sunday school and enjoying the time as well. No more crying and upset at even the thought of being left for an hour to do crafts, have a snack and learn about the Bible. I just hope no one reports me for child abuse after reading what I force my children to do.

So back to our Thoughts on Faith class. Now that we have all matured a bit, Edward and I were ready to start back to Sunday school. But the offerings were slim. There was only one class being offered and it was a lectionary class which I had had enough of during seminary. So with a lot of encouragement Edward convinced me to co-facilitate this class with him. We have a core group of about 6 - 8 people. But the nice thing about this class is that we have the opportunity to attract new members with the choice of every new book. We have read three other books beside the one we are reading now. They were Come Thirsty by Max Lucado, Miracles by C.S. Lewis and The Cloister Walk by Kathleen Norris.

The book we are reading now, Through a Screen Darkly by Jeffery Overstreet, brings in another element to our discussion. Jeffery Overstreet is a Christian film reviewer. We are reading his book AND watching a film a week to discuss on Sunday morning. This past week we watched a film called Don't Come Knocking by a German director named Wenger. I was not real keen on watching this movie. I dislike heavy drama. It does not entertain me much. But I enjoyed the film much more than I would have thought especially after discussing it with Edward once it was over. And my estimation of the film grew even more after sharing thoughts with the class on Sunday morning. We all agreed that had we seen it in the movie theatre we would have soon forgotten it and probably not have recommended it to friends. But by the end of the hour of discussion we were all talking about seeing it again because it was so rich and deep. haha.

I must admit that the book, Through a Screen Darkly, would never had been my choice for the class either but Edward was enthusiastic at a time when I had no energy to suggest anything else. So I find myself reading a book I would never have picked up AND seeing movies I would not have choose to see either. So I guess this is where I admit that my life is richer for it and I am happy for the opportunity to step out of my little box. I know Edward is smirking as he reads this. (Quit it!)

Connor is all a Buzz!

When Cullen was very young... he fell in love with the movie Toy Story and Toy Story 2. I think most kids do. He has accumulated almost every toy in the picture to the right. Cullen thinks Stinky Pete, the prospector in the overalls, could still arrive any day in the mail. He wanted Stinky Pete so badly over two years ago. We tracked one down on Ebay but it was so so expensive we never ordered it. Cullen still checks the mail frequently for it or asks if he has arrived yet. We have never had the heart to tell him we didn't order it to begin with. =(

Now here comes Connor. He will be 2 in November. Cullen has got his fixated on Toy Story. More specifically on Buzz Lightyear. All day long you can hear Connor saying "And beyon! An beyon. Mommy, and beyon!" This is a reference to Buzz's well know call..."To infinity and beyond!" Inevitably, Cullen will round up Connor and together they will set up a make shift pallet on the floor in my room... with all the Toy Story toys with them. Heaven forbid Cullen can not find one. He will not watch the movie if everyone is not there... this goes for Woody's hat too. But when everyone is assembled they will camp in there and watch Woody and Buzz as they adventure all the while playing with their toys.

Connor is constantly taking Cullen's Woody and Buzz dolls. If Cullen comes to retrieve them there is quite an uproar. "Mommy baba" (brother). This is basically the way Connor tattles on his sister and brother. "Mommy sissie" is the other variation. So between Avery wanting to use Woody as one of her Barbie dolls boyfriends and Connor stealing Woody for his own reenactment of the movie and brother wanting his toys returned, we have a pretty upset trio around here sometimes.

So what did we do... well actually Grandma Rita found a Woody doll for Connor on Ebay which made him very happy. And I got him a little miniature Buzz which is just his size along with Jessie, Bulleyes and Woody. They are all about 4 inches high and very cute. So you would think he would get some imaginative play going. And sometimes he does but mostly he begs and pleads for the movie to be put on. I have limited his viewing after he started getting very cranky when he couldn't see it or it was interrupted.

I thought I would share a typical conversation I can have with Connor around this issue sometimes three times a day.

C - Mommy, come on. Mommy, come on... Buzz.

M - No Connor. No Buzz right now.

C - Please mommy, please. please. Buzz.

M - No Connor. No Buzz.

C - Mommy No, no no... (usually he has thrown himself to ground by now) Buzz mommy, Buzz. Please! (see how
polite he is even when he is emotionally distraught.

M - No Connor. You already watched Buzz today.

C - MOMMY! BUZZ! (throws things if you try to distract him with them.) I MAT (mad) I MAT! I MAT!
Buzz Mommy Buzz!

M - Connor do you want some juice?

C - (sniff sniff) Juice.

M - Ok lets go get some juice.

Connor sips his juice and asked for his "Sleep" which is his blanket. He heads back to the bedroom and you inevitably hear.

C - Baba Buzz.

And we go at it again.

Rubics Cube Fun!

Make your own rubics cube using a photo of your choice. Here are my three kids. The picture is from over a year ago, I would guess. I never could do these as a kid. But this one was easy. You'll feel like a genius!

Family Night

Every couple weeks we have family night here at the house. It usually focuses around a movie and a treat though we have done other things too. Once we made dinner plates by drawing pictures on circular paper and then mailing it out to a company to be made into Pirex type plates. That was fun and the kids eat off them a lot. But mostly we do movies. You know the ones you loved as a kid and want to share with your kids. I love to watch their faces as my favorite parts come up and see what makes it special for them as well. We have two movies lined up... The Sound of Music and Mary Poppins. Tonight will be Sound of Music because grandmommy wants to come for Mary Poppins.

We have had Sound of Music in the "vault" for quite a while but Edward wanted to wait til the kids were older so they would really appreciate it. Cullen wants to know if there is any shooting in it.. and I got to reply to the affirmative. haha. He loves the idea that it is based on real life too.

Along with the movie is always a special treat. Today it will be banana splits. Horrors, I could not find the right banana boat bowls. Edward sent me into Wal*Mart to find them but there were none. He does not know yet. I hope it doesn't wreck the whole evening. haha. We had to have just the right type of everything, nuts, cherries and the whip cream that comes out of a bottle... no, no, no, tub whip cream. The kids will get to make their own banana splits and we will use up all the ripe bananas. What a deal!

Post note: Can you believe Edward made us wait while he went online and READ how to make banana splits!

Bracing for a Storm

Can I say that I am tired. I am sooo tired. I got a call from the Governor yesterday afternoon warning residents of the storm that is approaching. Its a nice thing... gives you a heads up when your heads in the sand.

We were not ready for Katrina. I remember hearing about her forming and scoffing at such a wimpy name. And then all of a sudden we had a day to get out cause she was a-comin'. And boy did she come.

So the phone call was nice. It basically reminded me that my little world is not a cocoon and that it is vulnerable to many an outside influence. And that we can not keep them out. They invade. The dig in. The sweep through and flood us. And the only thing we can do is do what we can do. And once they do invade and become part of the reality everyone has feelings about them.

This evening we were out cleaning up the yard and porches of anything that could go flying or floating away. Now because we were taking these precautions Cullen was fearful that water was going to come up and under the door. And he is worried about the wind because I mentioned somethings about it. He wants me to come to bed cause he is worried I will be so tired and grumpy. haha But what he really wants is my closeness. As if I can keep the wind and the rain at bay.

I can not fix things. I can not control things. No matter how much I would like too. No matter how much Cullen hopes I can. The pain of life consumes us sometimes. In little boys fears it is especially consuming. In the face of death and broken relationships there is only holding on until the grief subsides. And maybe one day instead of focusing on the wind and the rain we see the clearing clouds and the sky and finally the sun. But its all gradual. It happens incrementally. For Cullen I want it now. The innocence and cluelessness that comes with trusting life and its goodness. He can never go back. Papa Roy's death changed him or magnified him. His wonderful imagination has been contorted and betrays him.

Suddenly the locks on the doors are important. And whether the gate at the end of the driveway is closed. And "thiefs in the night." And if I do close the gates on a whim he wants to know why, as if I am keeping some terrible lurking evil from him. The other day some sales people came to the house while I was mowing the lawn. I told them I had no time to speak with them and they said they would return later in the day. Well I thwarted them. I closed the gate. I explained to Cullen when he asked that I did not want to talk to the people who were trying to sell me cleaning products. He quizzed me on my behavior and who these people were and why they were coming back and when. I kept them at bay all afternoon but they did breach our fortress when Edward did not close the gates when he returned from work. We were all upstairs and the house was dark downstairs. They had their front headlights on the front of the house and were knocking on the door. I was playing Go-Fish with the kids at the kitchen table when I head the dogs barking. I moved the kids to the bedroom and told Edward I was not answering the door. And again questions of why and who and what? And then... "I am scared."

For this little boys there is a storm around every corner both imaginary and real. I can only protect him from them by denying them which just seems counter productive. I try to be honest with him in every way I can. I weigh how to say things but I always try to tell him the truth and then I brace for the storm.

The Flying Tiger

This is the Flying Tiger. They were an American volunteer group that recruited under a secret presidential sanction. They were a fighter group that trained in China and helped fight the Japanese in China before the USA entered WWII. The are credited with destroying 300 enemy aircraft and only losing 12 of their own. The shark faced fighter is among the most recognized planes of WWII. (Edward is dictating this to me over the phone. This is not my writing voice)

My husband is a history buff and miniature war gamer. No, this does not mean he is tiny. it means he reenacts battles throughout history using figures that are miniature. He knows a lot about military history. He and Cullen came up with the idea for the plane together and Edward sketched it out. It has little gun cannons under the wings and we refer to as "exhaust pipes" in case someone at the school is offended by guns. haha Cullen keeps trying to correct us as to what they really are. *eye brows raised*

This was a family project for the Kindergarten children. And it really took the whole family. I scavenged for boxes at the local boutique, going back twice before I got it right. Then on to Wal*mart for the supplies; paints, paper fasteners, a plastic bowl and poster board. The kids and I painted the base of the plane but could not do much more without "the architect" present. Edward's obsessive side came out during this project. Its crazy when you are apprehensive about tracing lines for fear you will not meet the standards set. *wink* Two late nights later and a lot of problem solving and here is our Flying Tiger.

Today at Cullen's school there will be an official race to show off all the different designs. There is a race official and singer of the national anthem. If the rain hold out it will be great fun. Of course, this could all be ruined for Cullen because of the stress of getting out there and performing, i.e. running. I told him this morning that he had the "best plane ever" and he replied "Well I don't know if its the best plane. Some of my friends have been working on their cars for three days." I told him that is about how long it took us to do his plane. He then said, "Really. Oh I forgot, some of my friends have been working on their cars for six days." I jokingly said, "So have we!" Poor Cullen feels like he never measures up to others. But walking into the school in his plane he was smiling and would catch himself. I know he was proud of what we did as a family. "You can be proud Cullen."

Toying with Digital Scrapbook Designing

I am toying with the idea of digital scrapbook designing. This is different from designing a page or pages with a scrapbook kit. I am beginning the process of learning to make the kits themselves. It will involve making the papers, fasteners, embellishments, alphas, etc. I would then try and market it to scrapbookers. Maybe someday I will be good enough to make a business on the side. haha. Edward is always saying... "When you go back to work..." Maybe this will do if I get good enough.

I have put a link to my new blog. I am calling it That Girl Designz. I plan on using the blog to document what I am learning and some of the results. I recently bought some scripts by Haley64 on the Scrapbook Bytes website. Haley's blog is called A Lovely Mess and there is a permanent link to it on the left. She has some wonderful tutorials posted there as well as some of her designs. She probably doesn't remember me but she helped me out a few months ago when I was posting on the forums at Scrapbook Bytes. I really appreciated her graciousness and generosity of spirit. I visit her blog a lot. I was happy to find all these wonderful scripts that she had made. I have not been very successful at find "How to" tutorials in making digital scrapbook elements until i found her site and the links she shares there. Her scripts are helping me figure out how to make grunge and striped papers. I will share with you some of my first efforts tomorrow.

I am off to bed. My husband and I have been working the last two nights on a family project for Cullen's kindergarten class. I have had paint under my fingers on and off all day. And some glue as well. The kindergartner are having a transportation race tomorrow. The kids had to make a car or such from a cardboard box. Edward went all out with camo design and scary face painted on the front. Its taken some time but it is sooo cool. Pictures tomorrow.

The Battle of (Non) Conformity

My sister-in-law, Elysa, sent this to me in the mail this morning. I thought I would share it. It reflects what I know to be one of the challenges of youth. And yet, this child is more aware than others about the cookie cutter society we live in, as well as, the fear and trepidation you feel when contemplating stepping out of it. I hope my daughter faces this fear and trepidation. thanks Elysa for sending it our way.

Unglamorous

It is my life... and I am sure many peoples. We live in a world of "beautiful people" with what seems like glamorous lives and sometimes the lives we are living seem pale in comparison. I struggle each morning to get us all up and out. I have mentioned before that the kids do all they can to thwart me. It seems we are all so tired and getting up on time in order that we are all fed and dressed before 6:45am (crazy, I know) is so so hard. It does not help that someone... dropped my alarm clock on the floor and it no longer alarms. No TV in the morning... no computer! "Eat, you have 10 minutes before we leave." "Are your shoes on?" Sometimes there is no time to get the baby out of his pajamas cause it is easier to let him sleep while I wrangle the other two. Food is left on the counter to be cleaned up later. A coat is needed for nap time at school cause its so cold... "Everyone has a coat but me!" Ugh And then its forgotten.

What follows are feelings guilt and inadequacy even though he is old enough to have gotten the coat on his own like we spoke about. And then we get in the line for drop off at school and there is all crying and gnashing of teeth cause he just can not bare to leave me while all along the line of cars gets longer and longer. Sigh Again guilt and inadequacy as I push him toward the door cause there is no time for kneeling down in front of him and making it right. I come home to toys in the front yard and the lawn half manicured. Lovebugs, and not the cute ones. everywhere. I swat at them as I get the baby and me inside. More shoes. More toys. More trash.

I think I am never going to get this right without giving up all that I am... and cleaning and organizing 24/7. I will never think again. I will go numb. Dang I need my medication and a good night sleep. And then I pop Lori McKenna into the CD player and listen to her music and the words to her songs. She sings my life or the life I have glimpses of when I am not feeling guilty and inadequate. haha There are not many lyricists that write about married life and Lori McKenna does it wonderfully. Lori is married and the mother of fice and lives outside Boston. (Yay for Boston!) She lives a simple and chaotic life from what I know from her interviews. There is no glamor.

She has a song called Witness to your Life which reminds me of the sacredness of my relationship with Edward and what he is to me and me to him. We are not just harried parents or the work we do but are also souls living in this world and trying to find our place. That what we have done over the years, even if it seems unimportant and who we are as individuals matters. There is a line in the song that makes me weep though its so simple "I will be that witness to your life." Oh gosh I am weepy today.

We all have to make meaning in our lives. It gives us inspiration. It allows us to smile and get up in the morning. I am NOT the dirty house or the unkempt lawn. Lori McKenna reminds me that there is value in who I am and even in the messiness of my life.

These are the lyrics to her song Unglamorous. You can hear her on YouTube too.

Understated, overrated site - carnival ride
Curtains fadin', tread bill rugs real nice
The baby stayed up all night

How wonderful, rhinestones on black satin shoes
How beautiful, the ones I never get to use
No frills, no fuss, perfectly us
Unglamorous

Frozen dinner, jelly glass of wine - tastes just fine
Two bread winners, five kids in short time
With eyes just like mine

How wonderful, crowded dinners at the kitchen table
How beautiful, one TV set - and no cable
No frills, no fuss, perfectly us
Unglamorous

No diamonds in our bathtub reams
Peanut butter on everything
No frills, no fuss - unglamorous
unglamorous

How wonderful, the gravel road leading to a front door
How beautiful, old wool socks on a bedroom floor
No frills, no fuss, perfectly us - unglamorous
Unglamorous

*me again* I am off to clean up the breakfast dishes. And think about a graphic I can make for this post. haha
hmm maybe I will eat something too. I never got my breakfast.

Time for a Shout Out

It has to be said... I am so proud of my son, Cullen. There are so many reasons really but I must speak of one in particular. Normally I am dragging kids about and they do what they need to to make it as difficult as possible... haha. But the other morning I was feeling pretty good that we all pulled it together and got out of the house on time. Everyone was dressed, fed AND had their shoes on and out we went. The only thing that could have slowed us down was the rain and it was not coming down as we came out the front door. With my daughter in front, Cullen behind me and the baby in my arms I headed down the stairs. Before I knew it my feet were out from under me and I was free falling with Connor. I finally landed on my booty, specifically tail bone. Connor was screaming from what seemed way far away and I was in a lot of pain. The back of my legs, my elbow and my back all were screaming too.

I was holding Connor and trying to stand but got really dizzy and nauseous so I sat back down. I knew if I didn't put Connor down I was gonna drop him. So I stood him on his feet to make sure he was alright. His foot was red but he could stand and he stopped crying pretty quickly. I knew though that I wasn't going anywhere. The stairs were wet and I remember thinking how I did not want to sit on them in my white skirt, haha, but I quickly realized I did not have that luxury. So I sat in the wet and tried to get my breath back. I couldn't breath. I needed my cell phone to call Edward but once I told him what had happened I needed to hang up cause I was too shaky and having a hard time breathing. I felt all alone and didn't know how I was gonna take care of all of us.

Then Cullen gasped. I was bleeding from my elbow. It wasn't took big a gash there but I was bleeding. Cullen immediately wanted to get me a bandaid. I asked him instead to go get me a wet paper towel cause a band aid would do me no good until it was cleaned up. And could he please get me some water. I had this strong belief that water would make me feel better. And it really did. Cullen came back out with a paper towel that had just the right amount of water on it. Usually when I ask for a wet paper towel for some reason, he comes with it soppy wet. But this wasn't. He had the water too. I know he had to go upstairs, climb onto the counter to get the coffee cup he brought me and then come back down with it all. When he got back he said, "Mommy are you alright? I almost called 911."

It just made me so proud to know he knew what he needed to do if it had been worse and that he wanted to take care of me to that extent. And really that is all the reason I am puffed up with pride. They seem such easy things to do but for a six year old who has trouble being assured and certain... he did great. He made me feel not so alone when I was really feeling so bad. I thanked him for that. And he knows how proud I am of him.

Raining Beauty

I made this from a tutorial today. You can find Raining Beauty tutorial here. There are so many wonderful tut (tutorial) writers out there for PSP. It is one very important way of learning the software. Tutorials always introduce you to different third party filters as well as a lot of fancy stuff PSP does without any help from the outside. PSP also has accompanying animation software which you can take your images to and add movement. That is what I did here. There are three layers of rain in this animation. Each level looks a bit different on the page but when the animation cycles through all three fast, over and over, you get the look of real rain. Pretty neat huh?

I must warn you about some of these tutorial sites because once you visit one you will find links to others. For some reason, many tut writers use risque images. You can find a lot of scantily clad women in tut writers finished work. I usually am looking for their techniques and choose a different type image for the tag I am making with their tutorial. I will sometime also start where the tut writer starts and end up somewhere different. Its all good! Except maybe the raunchy poses some of the women are in the tuts. You gotta just shake your head and move along.

Stupid Girls

I love the lyrics in Pink's song Stupid Girls. I think it reflects exactly what our culture is obsessed with in terms of image, beauty and material wealth. When I was growing up in the 70's my mother always said to us, "You can be whatever you want to be". Ok, I wanted to be a cat but that is a different story. She was making sure that my sister and I knew there were no limits to what we could achieve and who we could be except the ones we placed on ourselves.

I went to college and received a BA in English. I was the Clinical Coordinator of a Psychiatric Rehabilitation facility outside of Boston. I went to Vanderbilt Divinity School and earned a Masters of Divinity. I worked as a Chaplain on the psychiatric unit at the VA in Nashville. I was the Development Officer for a Pastoral Counseling Center in Nashville also. I achieved all these things because my mother showed me through her actions and life that I could.

I now have a daughter. She is four. I always wanted a daughter. Someone who I might inspire as my mother inspired me. Well my daughter is very concerned with how "beautiful" she is and whether her clothes are pretty. She has said many a times to me that she would like me not to be "the most beautiful one" because she wants to be. She loves her Barbies. Yesterday she told me she wants to marry a prince. When I asked her why she said "because they are so good."

My daughter is also smart. She is very smart but that is not what she values. So I am valuing it for her. I am always trying to catch her doing something smart... haha. And when she watches her Barbie movies, The Twelve Dancing Princesses, The Princess and the Pauper, Mermaidia and Fairytopia, etc... I point out how brave and smart Barbie is being. Lately she has started saying "Mommy I am smart." and I have to agree.

Here are some lyrics from Stupid Girls by Pink. If you want to see the video its on YouTube here.

What happened to the dreams of a girl president
She's dancing in the video next to 50 Cent
They travel in packs of two or three
With their itsy bitsy doggies and their teeny-weeny tees
Where, oh where, have the smart people gone?
Oh where, oh where could they be?

Maybe if I act like that, that guy will call me back
Porno Paparazzi girl, I don't wanna be a stupid girl
Baby if I act like that, flipping my blond hair back
Push up my bra like that, I don't wanna be a stupid girl

New Blog Header

Did some work on this blog header last night. I changed the font to Cocktail. Looks like this font has had one too many. The design is basically the same but the image is crisper. I used masks for the background images of butterflies, plants and such. Of course I used Paint Shop Pro. I just upgraded the software to PSPX2. (That is a new fangled way of representing 12 I guess.) I am always a bit behind the curve. There is already a PSPXI out there.

For those who are interest in learning PSP and are what we call a newb or newbie. I recommend a Yahoo group called Stepping Stones Through PSP. It has 5 steps and each step has 25 lessons. So you will be a pro by the end. The lessons are small and manageable. Here is the link to Stepping Stones. Have fun!

Misunderstood

I am so excited! This is my first original tag. I was inspired by the mask which is in the purple and black frame. The tube of the woman is not something I would normally have chosen to use but it went perfectly with the black and purple frame. We will just pretend she is in a swimsuit. I am not sure where Misunderstood came from. The title, as the whole design, came from within the process. I tried to keep track of the steps it took to make it but I am really not 100% sure I can reproduce it. So I will take pride in this.

I Miss Bill!

I have an I Miss Bill bumper sticker on my car. Now I know that is asking for trouble in the South but I do. I miss Bill. Down here almost everyone is Republican. I am Democrat. It was preordained. I am from Massachusetts. In Mississippi, many people believe that you can not be a Democrat and be a Christian. Religion and politics are conservative here. I often wonder whatever happened to the separation between church and state. That idea doesn't function well down here.

When I first moved here six years ago I was very apprehensive because I knew where I came from and what I believed. The first thing that struck me when I moved here is that there are signs everywhere about Jesus. When I pre-registered at the hospital before the birth of my first son... the employees had signs on the wall about Jesus. And their theology was unsettling to me. The light up signs at banks had scripture scrolling on them beside the time and weather. You would never see this up North. Religion was a private matter. Politics too.

I met a woman in the Episcopal church parking lot last week. Her children go to the preschool with my daughter. She commented on my bumper sticker. She actually said she liked it. And went on to tell me that she was the Chairperson to the Democratic committee last year for the area. She said the group who nominated her for Chair joked that they did so because she was so very pregnant at the time that no one would mess with her. Its funny but there is some truth to it. I had a teacher at the school comment that I must not have many friends around here to have that bumper sticker on my car. (Well that is true. I only have a few. But I don't think that is why.)

So my voice is small in these parts... almost nonexistent. I Miss Bill is a small way my voice might be heard. It's a whisper is relationship to the messages that bombard me everyday. One that I live with and accept as other people's belief. I am not a debater but I do have a perspective.

So this morning... I am getting into my car in the Wal*Mart parking lot with groceries and 2 kids and what do I find? A nasty note under my windshield. It began... "Of course you miss Bill..." the rest I will not quote because I threw the note away and can not remember it word for word though I remember the gist of it. Basically it said that Bill Clinton opened the door to a lower level of moral behavior and allowed compromise (I remember this word well) and something else which I can not remember to be acceptable. Ok, what?

There are so many things I can take debate with in this anonymous persons thoughts. But first is that Bill Clinton is awfully powerful to be able to turn the tide of the countries moral compass with his transgressions. And the second is that just because I miss Bill Clinton does not mean that I disregard his flaws. But gosh at least he admits to them. The president we have now... oh never mind. I think you know where I am going.

Why do I miss Bill? The person who wrote the message left under my windshield assumed that the things he held against Bill Clinton were the things I admired in him. (haha) Now that is a self centered perspective. We all do it. But this is a glaring example. Here is what I know... Bill Clinton is a flawed person. Aren't we all? Bill Clinton made mistakes. Don't we all?

And this flawed, mistake-making person achieved more than just notoriety for his misdeeds. During the time Bill Clinton was in office, he succeeded in reducing the government including staff reduction in the White House. Interest rates went down so low that sales of new homes exploded across the country. Unemployment went down from 7.5 % in 1992 to 4.0% in 2000. His economic policies helped to create 20 million job and reduced the deficit by $600 Billion. He was a compromiser and a conciliator. There are many who say that he did not have strong enough foreign policies. But this is what I liked about Bill Clinton. He respected other governments. He respected other cultures. And he entered into dialogue with them.

As a Christian I was taught to love thy neighbor. I was taught that forgiveness is next to Godliness. I ask God to forgive my shortcomings everyday. I try to be the person God wants me to be.. the person God created me to be. I fall short. I keep asking for forgiveness and I keep trying. But I am not just the mistakes I make nor am I my flaws. I do do good everyday. Sometimes by accident but I do do good. And because I understand this about myself I am obliged to understand it about Bill Clinton and, yes sadly, about the gentleman who left me his thoughts today.

Ok Go!

Edward just showed me the funniest YouTube video. I had to post it. Look on the left margin for the link. Edward said to me as I was writing this "Is it funny or is it cool? I told him it was my blog and go get his own. haha. You be the judge... funny? cool?

My Paint Shop Pro Addiction

For those of you who might want to know what I do with my "spare" time... I am a Paint Shop Pro Addict. I have been using it for about 5 years. I believe it all started when I downloaded Incredimail. Incredimail is a really fun email program that can act just like Outlook Express but you can personalize it with animation, sounds and music and backgrounds. And the best thing about Incredimail for me was there was an accompanying program which allowed you to make your own email stationary. I was a fanatic at that.

I bought Paint Shop Pro when I wanted to really start designing advanced stationary. I joined some PSP groups on Yahoo to learn and took some online classes. At one point I had my own Yahoo group for people who wanted my stationary. When I made one I would send it out to all the people in the group. I had a couple hundred people in the group. But life distracted me and Incredimail, which was a bit buggie sometimes on my computer, made me tired. So I turned my attention to web design.

I could still use my knowledge of Paint Shop Pro while I learned HTML coding and CSS. I took a number of online courses through LVS Online. This is a wonderful site for virtual learning. Visit this link for their course offerings. If you are looking for some distraction or a way of feeling like maybe all your brain cells have not evaporated... this might be the place for you.

Katrina is very much a part of our present even though she is two years in the past. One of the ways Katrina hit me the hardest was the loss of all my scrapbook pages of the kids, my photos and all my supplies. Everything I had scrapbooked prior to Katrina was with tangible materials. I was so depressed knowing I could never replace and remake those pages. And scared to try for fear of losing it all again. So I turned to digital scrapbooking. You can see some links on the left of web sites that pertain to digital scrapbooking.

I use Paint Shop Pro to create my scrapbook pages now. I bought an external drive where I store all my pages and my digital kits. I have papers, frames, alphabets, elements of all sorts, word art and much more. If, by chance, anotne comes our way all I will need to do is grab my external drive and my PSP disk. Then if the computer is lost I still have my software program and I can install it. in a new computer. haha! I am a thinker. To make a scrapbook page, all I have to do is visit my folder of digital photos that I download from my camera and choose the pictures I want to scrap. I then go through my scrapbook materials and choose the paper and elements I want to use for the page. There are so many wonderful designers out there creating scrapbook kits and elements that it makes your head spin. Last thing to do is open Paint Shop Pro and have some fun. The scrapbook page above was done in Paint Shop Pro. That is Avery at Busch Gardens. We visited there last year.

Oh, and if you are wondering why I am typing on the blog instead of PSPing... well I just upgraded to PSPX for PSP9 and its a little disconcerting. Its nice to go to the upgrade but there is a bit of a learning curve. They have made changes to the software application and it takes a while to get use to them. The frustration factor just got to be too much and I shut it. So there... take that PSPX. I will tackle it tomorrow when I am rested.

"Go Feral Flirt"

These are the words of my husband as our black rex slipped out of the house and onto the front porch. His name is Flirt which is his first offense. The breeder had named him and the kids and I liked it. He is a flirt but Edward just thinks its not appropriate for a male. Well I know plenty of males who flirt so I am not sure there is any problem with his name. Maybe its that Flirt likes to cuddle... and Edward is not a cat cuddler. Not that Flirt is deterred by that in anyway. If Edward has kids on his lap, Flirt is trying to find a place as well. I will say that both our cats like to sleep on Edward's legs at night. He is a furnace at night.

Anyway, Edward would like to see Flirt go outside. But he is pure breed even if he is a bit of a poor specimen. My mom swears that these cats do not know the first thing about being outside. Flirt has had a couple of opportunities to go out. My daughter has taken him outside but he comes right back in. And Edward has left the back deck door open for him to wander out on his own and he prefers to sit inside the door way sunning himself.

Flirt also has a case of fleas which I am sure our other cat Sophie brought into him. She is an inside/outside cat. Edward likes her cause she is low maintenance. He is always looking out for her rights too. Never wanting her to get the short end of the deal. Her low maintenance includes not having to maintain a litter box for her. She prefers to go outside. So until Flirt came we were litter box free. I agree, that was very nice. But about the fleas. You know, fleas are nasty but on most cats you can't see them. On a Rex, which is one step away from hairless, you can see them cause their coat is so sparse. I have taken him to the vet for a flea bath and am treating him with a systemic flea medicine and still ... fleas! Our friend the vet says that it doesn't get rid of them, only kills them once they touch, bite, etc the cat. So we still have fleas, until they stop breeding in the environment. This will be never I am sure.

"Go feral Flirt." reminded me of the show Mork and Mindy when Robin Williams was holding that egg... tossed it in the air and said "Fly! Be free!" *Splat* Well that is kinda what I am afraid of with Flirt going outside. You know... This is Flirt walking and thinking; lalalala, oh, oh, a rabbit... run run run.... oh, oh a car! *Splat*.

Sigh

The Fruit Fly Battle

Oh fruit flies... how I hate thee! My house is overcome. I even swat them while sitting here at the computer. The diaper pail is clean and the trash is out. The sink traps are clean and I haven't found any rotting potatoes in the pantry... so I am at a loss. The keep coming. I have made a trap for them with a sippy cup. I put a piece of fruit at the bottom and covered it with plastic wrap... put a hole in it and now am waiting for their little brains to entrap them. So far... nothin. I am not sure how many little corpses I have had to dispose of in the last day but its a lot. They are pretty nimble. I think I have got one flattened and it flies out from under my hand. I have a small fan blowing toward me on the computer desk in hopes that they will be kept at bay but I still see them fluttering about. Between the fleas on the cat and the fruit flies I need a good anti revulsion medicine.

Grief and Fear

Since papa Roy died, Cullen, our 6 year old has had a lot of problems sleeping or should I say getting to sleep and staying asleep. He has always been a shy and tentative child. He is very sweet and sensitive but has his moments of stubbornness. He has a wonderful imagination which works against him sometimes. He insists during bedtime prayers that we end with "help Cullen to sleep well and have beautiful dream and no bad ones and to think no bad thoughts". Its the "bad thoughts" that scare him and he can not shake off. Ninjas, monsters and "thiefs". We have let him sleep in the guest room which is right next door to our room since he has displayed these fears and sleep disruption. However, he is still waking me multiple times a night saying he hears foot steps or the dogs are barking and there is a "thief" outside.

Last night Cullen came into our room at 1:20am to say he was scared and he wanted to be in our room because of "thiefs". Edward calmly explained to him that it was alright and there was nothing to be afraid of in the house. Cullen tentatively went out the bedroom door and back to the guess room only to explode into our room at high speed screaming "Thiefs, thiefs, there's a thief!" It about scared me to death. Edward went with him to see that there was indeed no "thiefs" in the bedroom but it did no good. The long and short of it is that Cullen climbed into our bed and went to sleep and Edward was too awake to go back to bed. He ended up watching a western on tv. This will be the second night Edward has gotten only four hours of sleep. My problem solving skills in the middle of the night are nil. I wrestle with the impatience then and it usually wins. Edward is the sane and kind one under these circumstances but in handling it he sacrifices rest cause he can not get back to sleep.

So now I am desperately looking for help in dealing with this. I don't know whether to be firm and hold ground about his sleeping in his own bed or at least the guest bedroom or allow him to sleep with us until his grief and fears abate. The problem with his sleeping closer to us is that the Avery, our 4 year old, also must sleep closer to us. She has been sleeping on the floor in a sleeping bag for the last three nights. I have been thinking about having her sleep in the guess bedroom and Cullen on the floor in our room to see if that makes a difference in his sleeping through the night.

I guess I am looking for a quick fix and if this behavior is a response to grief for Cullen then I can not expect it to go away with a few comforting words.

The Power of Patience

Ok, so here is where I am starting with my reading. I know that patience is a practice, a behavior but it is also a spiritual gift or discipline depending on whether you were given it or not. (haha) In order to fully understand and practice patience I must not only live it day to day in the mechanics of life but also in my spirit. I am hoping this book will enrich my spirit and understanding. But I have 362 more days to search and discover. This book will not be the last I read on the topic, I am sure.

M.J Ryan has some other very interesting titles out there including Attitudes of Gratitude and Love, The Giving Heart and Trusting Yourself: How to Stop Feeling Overwhelmed and Live More Happily with Less.

What? No crying, no yelling...no gnashing of teeth?

This mornings routine went smoothly. All I did was put clothes out the night before and it made a HUGE difference. The kids knew to get dressed immediately upon waking and get some breakfast. So by the time I was dressed they were eating. What? It worked and hopefully will get better. We had a little snafu with Cullen's shoes but I was not stressed from the dressing and the breakfast part so it went smoothly. And I had an epiphany about socks. That's right, socks. I can never find matching pairs. Here is my solution..always, always buy the same kind... then they always match. Such clarity! I amaze myself.

I congratulated the kids when we got into the car for getting out of the house without upset. And I notice that they are much more responsive to me when we are dealing with things calmly. Well duh.

So tonight I will again put out the clothes and make sure shoes and socks are at the door. Ok so we keep on perfecting this day by day and move onto step 2... Boundaries.

Got Patience?

Not me... I have been struggling with this virtue for a long time. Of course, I did not know I had such a horrible deficit til I had children. They require A LOT of it. Last year I went to my pastor for some advise I was so desperate. Patience is a spiritual virtue... it is listed in one of Paul's letters. He states that we all have spiritual gifts but not all have the same one. I asked him what it meant that I did not know how to practice patience with my children. It was a gift from God and I certainly did not receive it. He answered that we do not all get the same gifts which intellectually helped me understand but still left me floundering on where to get some.

I was talking to my mother in law about this one day in the sand box as we played with the kids. She told me of a friend who would take a year to focus on one aspect of her life that needed improvement. I thought it was such a wonderful idea but never implemented it. So here I am... Patience will be my focus til September 2008. What it is, how to increase mine and concrete ways to practice it.

Ok, so here is the easy part. What it is...

Patience is the ability to endure waiting, delay, or provocation without becoming annoyed or upset, or to persevere calmly when faced with difficulties.

Now I have no problem with waiting and delay... its the provocation without becoming annoyed or upset that is the real crux of the matter. And it is mostly in the face of 3 demanding children that it is tested. And I must admit I fail miserable a lot of the time. So here is my confession... I am a yeller. In the face of stress, persistent noise and disobedient children I yell. I scream. I get mad. I am not proud of it. I am pretty humiliated and ashamed that I can not hold it together. But if I am to grow and change I must admit this to myself and others.

I have dealt with anxiety all my life. Before I married I coped by being overly organized. Everything was in its place and I breathed easy. Marriage was the first challenge. Edward would not conform... haha. He had his ways and I had mine. I would cry in the face of socks on the floor or piled up laundry. Little did I know that it would only get worse with children. But then I had a reason for medication. Anxiety and PPD are not pretty. A few weeks after my second child, a long awaited daughter, was born I felt like I was just not cut out for motherhood. Luckily my OB/GYN recognized my struggles and recommended medication to address it. It did wonders. I felt so much better. It was a low dose but it took the edge off my depression and allowed me to face the everyday stress.

And then along came Hurricane Katrina and Connor followed shortly after. Can you say "stress and anxiety"? I love my in-laws but its trying to live with anyone. We were blessed to have them to turn to when our home was severely damaged by Katrina. And I thank them for their generosity. There were so many who did not have family to turn too. But it was stressful. Connor came early due to Katrina stress and we moved back into half a house. You bet I asked for my anti-depressant to be raised. (haha) I can not imagine who I would be without my Effexor. And yet still I struggle. This feeling well up inside me and overpowers me. And I lose it. It results in missed opportunity for teaching my children. And I know it does not help their security in the world when their mommy blows up. And it scares me... hoe this will mold my relationship with each of them and how we will relate when they are adults. But mostly it scares me that they too will not have the coping skills they need as adult because I am not modeling it for them. So its time to get a handle.

While I am acquiring more patience, I can be putting some practical advise to use that I found on the internet. There are 2 times of the day when I get especially stressed. Getting the kids ready and out the door in the morning and getting dinner ready with kids around who have had a long day of one activity after another. They are tired and hungry and I am tired and want to wind down but I must make dinner. Its at these times when I am desperately trying to make something happen and am faced with three road blocks all at one time, i.e the children.

Since my impatience rears its ugly head with the children mostly, I am going to focus on my parenting skills int he following areas.

1. Organization
2. Boundaries
3. "No"
4. Time Out

1. Organization
One of the "side effects" of my anti-anxiety/antidepressant is that I do not feel the need to micro manage everything anymore in order to feel secure and anxiety free. Now this might sound like a good thing but it has its down sides. Since I no longer feel compelled to organize and clean and make lists... my life is a mess. ^-~
And I do need to get organized in order to lessen the stress and anger in the morning and late afternoon. If all the shoes were in one place... if Cullen's folder were already in his backpack... if clothes were laid out the night before... if breakfast items were placed on the counter the night before... maybe, just maybe my morning would go smoother.

I will attempt to deal with the other 3 practices in subsequent posts.

Goodness! I am so hungry... someone pass me a hamburger!

Well jeez that was a failure. I got so sick by the end of day one that I gave it up. I had a migraine through the rest of the next day and slept til 11:30am. I was late picking up my little girl from school. BUT I have lost 3 pounds. I figure after going a day and a half only drinking liquids eating in moderation will be welcome. So I am doing it the good old fashion way... cutting way back on serving sizes and only eating fruit between meals. How bout that? Seems a whole lot saner. And I get to drink coffee which is always a bonus in any universe. (hehe)

21 Pounds in 21 Days

Tomorrow I start my detox. It will be 21 days of no chewing. For a few months now I have not been feeling very well. I am tired ALOT and my joints ache. I experience too many headaches and am nauseous a lot. At one point I took a pregnancy test cause I was feeling so badly. Well that was negative. (haha) I saw Dr Roni DeLuz on Larry King Live. She was talking about toxins in the body and the need to detox in order to flush the system and bring it back into balance. The symptoms I was complaining about were very similar to what she was talking about. And the added benefit of the detox is weight loss. Something I definately needed after 3 kids in 6 years. I was feeling so sluggish and unmotivated that exercise and the discipline needed to diet were beyond me. So I bought the book. Then I went on vacation for 2 weeks and came home to a family crisis... but now I am ready.

The regimen, outlined in DeLuz's book, "21 Pounds in 21 Days: The Martha's Vineyard Diet Detox," relies on vitamin-rich juices, thick vegetable purees, and herbal teas. Also on the menu: nutritional supplements, vitamins, and enzymes to keep the body's systems stable and cells nourished during the cleanse. Now I know this sounds overwhelming BUT you can actually buy all you need online as a kit. The official site sells the kit for close to $200 but I found it for $69. =) It arrived a few days ago. I went to the store and bought my vegetables for the soups that I will be eating for dinner so I think I am ready to go.

Here is the Daily Schedule I will be following for the next 3 weeks.

Basically you need to be giving your body a supplement every two hours from about 8:30 - bed time.

8:30 am High-Density antioxidant Berry Drink, recommended dose of herbal cleansing formula (1-3 a dose), Tea and water.

10:30 am 8oz of water with Green Drink Mixed into it, 8oz of herbal tea, iced or hot.

12:30 pm 1 cup of fresh vegetable juice that you juiced in your juicer and enzymes OR an 8oz water with Green Drink Mixed into it. Also herbal cleansing formula and 8oz of water.

2:30 pm 8oz water with Green Drink Mixed into it, 8oz of herbal tea, iced or hot.

4:30 pm High-Density antioxidant Berry Drink.

6:30 pm Homemade soup and broth, see reciepes starting on page 205, a cup of herbal tea, a dose of enzymes, a dose of herbal cleansing formual (night time if you have it), 8oz of water.

7:30 pm 8oz of iced or hot herbal tea and 8oz of water

"Bedtime" a serving of Aleo Vera Juice.

Also required to walk everyday 1 mile.

NOTE: You may drink more water and tea if you want. The soup is also referred in the book as "FREE" soup so if you need to eat more, it's ok. DO NOT USE SALT IN YOUR SOUPS OR JUICE! (or products that have salt in them.)


I will be updating the blog on how this is going. I suspect it will take some time to get use to the taste of all this stuff I will be consuming that is not food. The most challenging part of this regimen is the walking. I use to walk 3 miles a day before we moved out of the subdivision. But with 3 kids its been very hard to get any exercise in at all. I walked with my friend Cherie at night before we moved. Sometime we did not get out on the road until 9pm but we got it done and without kids in tow. My plan is to get Connor in his stroller as soon as we return from dropping Cullen and Avery off at their schools. We will walk from the house to the main road and back. Not sure that is a mile or not. I guess my pedometer will tell me, if I can find it.

It will all be worth it if the pounds start coming off. The nice thing about this diet is that I can do this for 3 weeks... and then do it again after being on regular food for a month or so. So my plan is to use this to take off at least 40 pounds. I might be happy then.