Thursday, September 27, 2007

Pulling Out the Gray

I found my first gray hair today. I thought I caught sight of it yesterday but gave it little thought. But today saw it clear as day sitting on my right temple as if it had not a care in the world. I was sitting at a red light and looking in the visor mirror. I was on my way to a first time haircut with a new stylist.

I am very particular about my hair maybe cause I have always thought of it as my one consistent good point. But since having babies I have lost a lot of texture in my hair and it has thinned considerably. The hair at the crown is actually so thin you can see my scalp. Imagine my horror when I realized I was losing hair to that extent. It was after Avery was born. I know that you hold onto your hair when you are pregnant and that after childbirth the regular cycles kick back in and you lose all that extra hair. But mine just kept falling out. For a time I had anxiety dreams that I was losing hair by the clump or I had gone bald. I was very self conscious and worried about what Edward would think but he placed very little weight on it. I remember mentioning it to my sister and mom on a visit home. I pulled my bangs to the side to show them and I heard two very troubling gasps. They confirmed my fears that this hair loss was indeed a threat to my self image.

So I continued to obsess. I read articles on hair loss and looked for ways to make it grow back I bought products... I did massage. But nothing worked. I mentioned it to the dermatologist. Basically he said I had a number of factors piling up on me... hypothyroidism, anxiety and recent childbirth being the more dominant. But in the end I had to learn to live with it and get a good haircut. It doesn't help living here in the South where its so bloody muggy that my hair is plastered to my head or dripping with sweat.

So despite the thinning and the change in texture I still have my dark brown hair. My mother hardly has an gray at 65 so I thought I had genetics going for me. At a family gathering my sister said she saw a couple gray hairs on the back of my head but i refused to believe her. She wanted to pull them out but I was so annoyed that she let it be. That was 4 years ago I think. I have often wondered about those gray hairs and whether they are really there and mocking me from the back of my head. Maybe the one at my temple creeped around from the back in an attempt to humble me. And if there is one then there could be more. There will be more. But they will have to take this ones place rather than join him cause I plucked that sucker... or should I say I grabbed it with my fingers and I pulled it OUT.

And for today, I am beautifully coiffed with not a gray to be found. Tomorrow is another matter.

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