"It's enough to be here."

I have been listening to the news since early this morning, NPR, CNN and now ABC as they cover the inauguration of Barack Obama. I am not one to watch televised news events. Not being there usually makes it stale and uninteresting for me. And for the last 8 years I have cringed at the word and intinations of our outgoing president. But today, I want to be apart of it. I want to make a memory that I can keep for the rest of my life. And also to help put into perspective the events of my past.

I grew up in the 70s in a suburb outside Boston. I did not know, when I lived it, that it was an historic time too. It was a wealthy suburb, though my family was not wealthy. My mom raised four kids alone and we did not have alot. African American children were being bussed into our town to go to school with us. From second grade onward, til I graduated high school, I went to school with kids from Boston. I remember Angela, who was a tough kid but my friend. In third grade I remember running away from her in home room after we had a verbal interchange. She said I had no lips which is true. My upper lip is very thin. And I said something about her plump, thick lips, though I am not sure what it was, that made her angry enough to chase me around desks in the class room. Somewhere in there was the racial struggle that we were thrown into. And yet 10 years later we all graduated together. Yes, there were upsets and fight, racial slurs and discrimination. I remember one snowy day waiting for the dismissal bus outside the high school and a snow ball fight turned into a brawl between the white and African American students.

30 years later I am still making sense of that experience. I have recently been back in touch through Facebook with a guy I knew back then. I always remembered him as funny and gentle. He tried to keep the peace between the races but also tried to be a friend to everyone. I have not seen him in 30 years but still have great affection for him.

I know today means so much to so many. We all have a history of experiences that form our lives. Many people have layed their hopes on Barack Obama. I hope his shoulders can carry them all. He carries my hopes for a kinder, gentler world, one full of justice and equality. I pray for hima nd his family. I pray for President Obama's safety. I pray that he does not feel the weight of the office but rather the joy of this opportunity to serve the country and the world. I look forward to seeing what is to come of us with Barack at the helm.

I am mostly excited about the fact that my children will never have lived during a time when an African American was not and could not be President of the United States. And I know there are African American children who see the world differently today because the dream that you can be whatever you want to be with hard work and determination reglardless of race is really a reality.

I heard people interviewed on NPR who really are so far away from the activities of the day but care not. Thousands of miles of travel, cold and lack of sleep and still they are just happy to be a part of the event. For them it is enough to just be there. To stand, to make a memory and to represent their history and how it is linked to what is happening this day, right now.

It is enough for me, in Mississippi, to be here, alive and celebrating this day in front of the television. Its enough just to be here.

Andrew Wyeth dies at age 91.

This week we have said goodbye to two iconic individuals. Ricardo Montalban and Andrew Wyeth. Both gentlemen were somewhat large in my childhood memory. Mr. Montalban for Friday night TV on Fantasy Island. "Da Plane! Da Plane Boss!" Who could forget... if you were old enough to remember.

But Andrew Wyeth gave me my first glimpse into art. My mother loved his prints and we had a number of them around the house. Alot fo which were window prints. All different windows... wood framed, ones with curtains billowing. They always have stuck in my memory the most. You can see a few of his pieces at Humanities Web, including one his most famous painting entitled, Sophie's World. The one above, The Master Bedroom, Doc and I received for a wedding gift. Unfortunately it was lost in Katrina.

It is sure that Andrew Wyeth's legacy is a rich one that will live long in the memory of this country. I am sad to hear of his death but his art keeps him present in the lives of many.

Hey Israel, leave Gaza alone!

I have found so much reading on the Israel-Palestinian conflict, as well as the history of the United State's support of Israel. I have read timelines, brief histories and commentaries. The history is interesting and compelling. The maps are probably the most compelling. When you see how the Palestinians land has shrunk over the history of the conflict its indisputable who has the upper hand. If you look at the map above its doesn't even represent the last 9 years.

I found this map at Palestine Think Tank.com. (Click on map to see a larger view)It at least gives us some idea of how Gaza has shrunk up to 2006. You can also see the way that Israel has slowly eroded the Palestinian lands by erecting settlements that make Gaza and the West Bank look like spider legs. Even now the West Bank and Gaza are totally cut off from one another and Gaza residents have limited humanitarian support coming in. Can you imagine living your life in daily fear. And never mind you, you grown up, what about the children. Its no wonder that the mentality of an eye for an eye has corroded the societies of both sides to the point human innocent casualties are just a by product of this ongoing conflict.

We know who the under dog is in this war. Palestinians fight for dignity and freedom and for their homeland. Never mind that Israel came in and "bought" the lands they originally occupied and settled in to make a desert into an oasis. What they did was slowly grab land and create a desert of destruction for those who had little political voice and had to settle for bombs and sniper fire and maintain even an inch of their dignity.

I do not understand why the US supports the actions of Israel. As a graduate of seminary I have great respect for the history of the Israel as it is represented in the Hebrew Bible (Old Testament). I also feel a great connection to the Jewish religion as it lays the foundation for Christianity and can not be set aside if Christianity is to be fully understood. Jesus himself was a Jew. He grew up in Jewish culture and religion. As I love God, I must respect all of God's creation. But the great history of a people can not negate the violence Israel as a political State has done in the name of "homeland". It has been said that the US supports Israel because we are two of a kind... creating country out of nothing. On the surface this may be true. Our origins may be similar. And the atrocities that the US perpetrated on the natives of this great land might even be similar to what is happening between Palestine and Israel but this does not negate the fact that the actions taken by the US against the natives and Israel against Palestine are dead wrong. Violence, suppression and dislocation are never morally correct. And it is on the power who has the power to do the right thing. If they, Israel, can not see what "the right thing" is, then a third party, i.e the UN, must represent a clear picture of the moral high ground.

The U.S. must take a moral stand rather than abstaining on votes or supporting Israel just because we have intertwined political, economic and social history. I hate the idea of the United States being the world police. But I think the US, until recently, has tried to take stands that represent our history of liberty. Sure both Israel and Palestine deserve this but in the calculations it is clear who is suffering from a whoaful (Is that a word?)deficit that needs some recalculating.

My new website entrance design

I use to have a website with a url thatgirldesinz.com. Unfortunately, as an over site my hosting lapsed and my url got bought up. So I have gotten around to rectifying the situation. It requires that I buy an new url (internet address) which I have. Its called thatgirlsgroovin.com. From the entry page above you will be able to get to my Paintshop Pro tutorials, my design blog, a gallery of my digital scrapbook layouts, my personal blog, as well as a way to email me.

I have other work to do before the site can be launched. My design blog needs to be over hauled.
And I need to do some html coding to link this home page to my gallery. But for the most part the site should ne up in the next couple days.

Scared to make a move

You ever have one of those days where no matter what you do, your impact on the world seems to be nil. That is what my day was like yesterday.

It started out fine, well, what I mean is nothing new. My car battery was dead... Again. The 6th time in two weeks. Luckily, we have a battery charger. But the thought of going into the world with an untrustworthy battery sent shivers down my spine. Three kids in the car and 6 stops to make was a disaster waiting to happen, never mind the battery going dead and being stranded with said children. I actually came into the house while the car was charging at canceled my appointment to have my blood pressure follow up. I knew that would not turn out well.

So the battery got charged and off we went. I needed to go to the UPS store, Post Office, bank, library, grocery store and the all important coffee drive through, as well as my friends Vikki's house to drop off her Christmas present. Luckily, Vikki's hubby was home and suggested i go to the Auto store. He said they would check my alternator and battery for free, tell me what was wrong and actually change out the battery. That is exactly what I did. $100 was not too much for a little peace of mind. I completed all my errands and got home right before lunch. I felt like I had conquered the world. Stephanie 1, Universe 0!

Here is where it turned bad. The Universe must have gotten wind of my puffed-upness (I made that word up. Feel free to use it as your discretion.) and started whispering in my children's ears about how to make the score more even. It starts as it always does, rambunctious kids who will not listen. I am not sure how many times I spoke to them about running around, hitting, playing rough and being loud. But let's just say it was in the millions. (Hey, I am due for some exaggeration.) I specially love the fake and real crying. I am an expert at telling the difference.

By the end of the afternoon I was at my wits end. I was in the bedroom sitting with my 3 year old while he fell asleep. I heard a big crash and ran in the direction of the living room. What I found was my most beautiful tiffany lamp shade on the floor. Green glass everywhere and a huge dent on one side of the shade. I also found my daughter. She said she was "sorry". Luckily I am well mediated because I was pretty calm. Instead of yelling, I just started balling. The worst thing I could have thought of had come to pass. (Well, not the worst, but of a certain category.) Avery rubbed my back and came up with ways in which we could "fix" it while I cried. I eventually sent the kids to my room while I cried to Doc on the telephone. I eventually got use to the fact that my lamp was irrevocably damaged. I had been bettered by Avery and the Universe. I was no longer "puffed-up".

The fighting and squabling continued even after Doc got home. I decided I better get the kids ready for the first day back at school. I sent Avery to the shower where she eventually clogged up the drain. Oh and this was my bathroom, my sacred space. *Big Sigh* I plunged and plunged and little bits of paper kept coming up out of the drain. But I could not get the water to go down. Avery could not come up with an answer about what exactly she sent down the drain. I really could have killed her at about this time. It doesn't end there either.

About twenty minutes later I hear another crash and what do I find but Avery and Connor playing around a glass table and one of my decorative flowers in a pottery pot which was sitting on said table is broken. I was dumb founded. Does noone learn anything around here. What is the lesson I have missed cause I sure know my kids must be clueless or worse. I called for Doc and told him they had broken something else. Speechless, I walk to the bedroom and slammed the door. Doc put the kids to bed while I contemplated how I had wronged the universe.

Maybe I should have been happy with one child. Maybe I am too lenient. Would a good beating maek more of an impact. Or maybe I need to spend more time on my knees looking deep into my children's eyes and asking them how their feeling and what they need. I will tell you one thing. What I am doing is not working. I am scared to make a move. I don't think I know how to parent. If Doc and I disappeared off the face of the earth this household would go on exactly as it has been with the screaming, fighting, hitting and mess making. So what the heck am I doing here. I am here to make an impact on my kid's lives. To mold them and help them grow into the people God wants them to be. But I am yet that person. It's the blind leading the blind. And the blind are winning.

Luckily, a good night sleep allowed my anger and sadness to melt away. The kid's being back in school allows me so time to think and regroup. Locking the children outside during the day... would not be considered child abuse? Or do I need another plan.

That Girl website revised

I am working on my new website. Here is the "Enter" page. I am working from a template which allows me to go in and change the text, colors and links. The main links are a lime green but when you mouse over they turn to the aqua color and give you some added text to describe where the link will take you. I love it. The colors even match my blog which makes me feel warm and toasty inside.

I am going to include my Paint Shop Pro tutorials, my blog headers and my digital scrapbook gallery in the site. I suspect it will get pretty large. I need hosting and to buy my domain name. For some reason the last company I worked with let it slide and someone bought it up. *sigh*

Getting back into HTML and CSS coding has been real fun. I can not wait to launch the site. I still have to build pages for each link on the "Enter" page. I want to figure out a way to use my blog avatar on the "Enter" page too. That will look so cute. This is an exciting way to spend my time.

New Year Dreadolutions

I have so many resolutions for the new year but I am quite sure I will fail miserable on them. Too many changes have to be made. Too many sacrifices to count. I need a focus. One thing might be doable but the resolution to change my whole life has to be let go. I don't like to speak my resolutions either because then everyone is watching to see if you keep it. At least that is what I think, anyway. Betsie, my niece, asked if I had a resolution ... my answer "Ummm yes... ahhhh no!" See how ambivalent I am?

So I have decided to list those things I know I can do. These are my resolutions for the new year. They require no change to my current behaviors or attitudes so I know I can succeed.

Here they are in no meaningful order:

1. Scream at my kids
2. Think a lot about cleaning the baseboards
   
3. Eat chocolate
4. Do less laundry than is necessary
5. Keep the sink full of dishes
6. Put up with my kid's guff
7. Use the time out chair lots and lots
8. Cook food my kid's won't eat
9. Don't look under any beds for lost items or dust bunnies
10. Send the kid's outside to fight
11. Make my kid's go to bed on time
12. Keep my bedroom floor clear of children's sleeping bags and bedding
13. Vacuum only when necessary
14. Give Doc a hard time for no reason whatsoever.

I think that is a great list. I am going to get started right now. Wonder where Doc is now?