Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Effexor, I love you!

Listen, I want to let you in on a little secret. Effexor has made me less productive but I don't care. Before my anxiety was HIGH and my house was clean. I had a hard time falling asleep for all the worries in my head and I NEVER slept straight through the night. This was normal life. I was cranky and tearful and tired. Having babies saved me in some ways.

With the first, I suffered through. I kept all my fears and anxiety inside... breast feeding failed miserably and I was always looking for reasons why i was not measuring up to my own expectations. With the second child I broke down at the six week follow up with my OB/GYN. As she was leaving the room after the exam she stopped and said... "oh and by the way how are you doing." (Really I don't remember what she asked me but it had something to do with my handling of two kids.) I basically told her I didn't think I was cut out for it and got tearful. She told me that this had nothing to do with whether I was a capable mother but rather had to do with my hormones. She recommended a low dose of an antidepressant. I grabbed it up. And within a few weeks was feeling better. I changed medications to one that better suited me. Eventually, my dosage tripled to the average dose but that increase took over 3 years.

Miracles... I sleep through the night. I do not lay in bed worried and anxious about my kids mental health or my relationship with my Doc. Both these things are important to me but I can put them aside when my head hits the pillow. I have not slept through the night since I was in high school. This is kinda cool. I wake up refreshed. I am not grumpy, for the most part. I do not require extra sleep to make up for the disruptions that happen through the night. I am not grumbling about Doc's heavy breathing at night that kept me awake... or the heat of his body... or his sharp, sharp toe nails. Its all good.

But I will tell you what I have had to trade off. The anxious energy that kept my house clean is gone. Now I have to dig deep to find the motivation to keep it that way. And, let me say that it is dirtier than ever with 4 other people tossing their belongings to and fro without a thought. And my sexual impulses have dampened. This too needs effort to be sparked. All I can say is that I am a nicer person to be intimate with... haha. When Doc turns aside and falls asleep, guess what? So do I! Will wonders never cease.

1 comment:

Elysa said...

Well when you find something that both makes moms happy AND motivated to clean PLEASE let me know. Sigh...and why CAN'T we have it all??!?;)