Use to be that was enough. But now I am checking my site counter frantically to see how much its gone up. I click on the Truth Laid Bare link to see who is linking to me and how many people are coming to my site... anyone staying? Not sure. I am a "crunchy crustacean" in the ecosystem of TLB. I have no idea what the whole ecosystem looks like but I know I want more. I must be at the very low end of the system... I just slithered out of the water. Surprisingly there are a number of blogs linking to me. They are listed there on my site page at TLB. When I follow the link though I have no idea why these people are linking back to me. I can not find any mention of my site.
Ok so I spend a lot of time thinking about my blog, why it is troubled and struggling. I think I can be funny. But maybe my voice isn't distinct enough. The people I read are a little less concerned about their language. I like that about them. But my family reads this blog. Can I really be myself? Haha.
My politics are left leaning but I would never blog about that stuff. My religion is left leaning too. The bumper stickers on my car express who I am in both realms... "I miss Bill" and "God is not spelled GOP." Maybe to get people to my blog I need to be more political. Do I need to state my position on abortion or the immigration debate? Do I have to write about how I don't refer to God in terms of a specific gender because it narrows our understanding of God and in some circles gives power over to men.
Maybe I need to be more vulnerable... sharing how my father leaving me and my siblings early in our lives has left a hole that can never be filled... or that my body image makes me scared of what my kids will think of me as they get older.
Can I turn my back on the blogging worlds measurements on how well our site is doing? Can I love my blog when most of my posts go uncommented on? Can I ignore the fact that my counter goes up but the comments are nonexistent? (Now that is a hard one.) I actually think that it is me that makes that counter go up. Because I log onto the site so many times a day. Playing with the buttons... where they are in the line up, are they centered. And finding more to put up there.
What purpose does my blog serve? Let me start there:
- A place to keep a journal of what is happening in our lives
- A place to post pictures of the kids
- A place to post some of my digital scrapbook pages
- A place to connect to other moms
- A place to share my spiritual and parenting journey
- A place that reflects my uniqueness
- A place where I am judged or measured against others
- A place where my thoughts are ridiculed
- A place that feels like work rather than play
- A place where I have to be someone else to be admired
Here is what I think is the answer... instead of focusing on my blog, its stats and such I am going to focus on the relationships my blog and blogging brings me. Like the connection I have made with Karen over at Surviving Motherhood. Or the deepening relationship I have experienced with my sister-in-law Elysa over at Musings from Graceland. Or how much I like the perspective of Belinda at Ninja Poodles and the voice and photography of Rhe over at Confessions of a Pioneer Woman.
If you are struggling with the Blogging Blues I challenge you to refocus you attention back to what made you attracted to blogging to begin with. Enjoy the new contacts and connections you are making and try to let the rest go by the wayside... unless you become really really blog famous... then enjoy that too!