Unglamorous

It is my life... and I am sure many peoples. We live in a world of "beautiful people" with what seems like glamorous lives and sometimes the lives we are living seem pale in comparison. I struggle each morning to get us all up and out. I have mentioned before that the kids do all they can to thwart me. It seems we are all so tired and getting up on time in order that we are all fed and dressed before 6:45am (crazy, I know) is so so hard. It does not help that someone... dropped my alarm clock on the floor and it no longer alarms. No TV in the morning... no computer! "Eat, you have 10 minutes before we leave." "Are your shoes on?" Sometimes there is no time to get the baby out of his pajamas cause it is easier to let him sleep while I wrangle the other two. Food is left on the counter to be cleaned up later. A coat is needed for nap time at school cause its so cold... "Everyone has a coat but me!" Ugh And then its forgotten.

What follows are feelings guilt and inadequacy even though he is old enough to have gotten the coat on his own like we spoke about. And then we get in the line for drop off at school and there is all crying and gnashing of teeth cause he just can not bare to leave me while all along the line of cars gets longer and longer. Sigh Again guilt and inadequacy as I push him toward the door cause there is no time for kneeling down in front of him and making it right. I come home to toys in the front yard and the lawn half manicured. Lovebugs, and not the cute ones. everywhere. I swat at them as I get the baby and me inside. More shoes. More toys. More trash.

I think I am never going to get this right without giving up all that I am... and cleaning and organizing 24/7. I will never think again. I will go numb. Dang I need my medication and a good night sleep. And then I pop Lori McKenna into the CD player and listen to her music and the words to her songs. She sings my life or the life I have glimpses of when I am not feeling guilty and inadequate. haha There are not many lyricists that write about married life and Lori McKenna does it wonderfully. Lori is married and the mother of fice and lives outside Boston. (Yay for Boston!) She lives a simple and chaotic life from what I know from her interviews. There is no glamor.

She has a song called Witness to your Life which reminds me of the sacredness of my relationship with Edward and what he is to me and me to him. We are not just harried parents or the work we do but are also souls living in this world and trying to find our place. That what we have done over the years, even if it seems unimportant and who we are as individuals matters. There is a line in the song that makes me weep though its so simple "I will be that witness to your life." Oh gosh I am weepy today.

We all have to make meaning in our lives. It gives us inspiration. It allows us to smile and get up in the morning. I am NOT the dirty house or the unkempt lawn. Lori McKenna reminds me that there is value in who I am and even in the messiness of my life.

These are the lyrics to her song Unglamorous. You can hear her on YouTube too.

Understated, overrated site - carnival ride
Curtains fadin', tread bill rugs real nice
The baby stayed up all night

How wonderful, rhinestones on black satin shoes
How beautiful, the ones I never get to use
No frills, no fuss, perfectly us
Unglamorous

Frozen dinner, jelly glass of wine - tastes just fine
Two bread winners, five kids in short time
With eyes just like mine

How wonderful, crowded dinners at the kitchen table
How beautiful, one TV set - and no cable
No frills, no fuss, perfectly us
Unglamorous

No diamonds in our bathtub reams
Peanut butter on everything
No frills, no fuss - unglamorous
unglamorous

How wonderful, the gravel road leading to a front door
How beautiful, old wool socks on a bedroom floor
No frills, no fuss, perfectly us - unglamorous
Unglamorous

*me again* I am off to clean up the breakfast dishes. And think about a graphic I can make for this post. haha
hmm maybe I will eat something too. I never got my breakfast.